Nadene Marsh, Coordinator at The Brotherhood of St Laurence’s Saver Plus program

"I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the past 10 years & getting what was my driving my money story & my mindset, unraveling it and rewriting it has been a looooooong process. REALLY LONG. SERIOUSLY SO as well as multi layered. Not surprisingly it all tied into my self worth.

Money carries a lot of shame & embarrassment for people, especially women, and especially me, so owning it & beginning to talk about it was the beginning and a big game changer. All the work I’d done on myself in the years previous, the emotional healing stuff, the digging through the muck stuff allowed me to finally begin to make progress with why my relationship with money up until that point had been largely dysfunctional.

I was that person who never opened bills because, if I don’t see them then they don’t exist right? I didn’t answer my phone to blocked unknown numbers in case it was a debt collector or credit card company asking why I hadn’t paid them. I literally lived in fear and underneath that, much shame. And it never went away. It was always there in the back of my mind nagging me, ridiculing me, judging me. I realize now I couldn’t even imagine life without it. It had become a part of me.

It’s not like I never had enough- I always had enough, I mean that’s what I always told myself, ‘there’s always enough’ which meant no matter how much I made it was only ever ‘enough’…enough to scrap by…enough to keep my head above water. And if there was more I’d make sure I got rid of it, albeit subconsciously. I’d hook up with guys who couldn’t pay their way, I’d give it to people begging on the street or anyone else who needed it apparently more than me. Id give it to people I didn’t know, a dog in Bali that needed surgery, starving kids on the internet, the Big Issue guy, the window cleaning guy at the intersection, the friend of a friend experiencing hardship – that kinda thing.

On another level I have a long history of working for organizations & people that under pay, don’t pay super or simply don’t pay me. (Also known as unethical, illegal and just plain arseholey behavior.) Most every single one of my employees have been a version of this. I see now that they themselves, like myself had very unhealthy relationships with money.

I didn’t respect money and underneath that I felt I didn’t deserve it. Sure I could have a little – but not too much! Identifying how I created those beliefs years ago and slowly but surely unraveling them, has been a life changing experience and to be honest only very recent. After years of dragging around debt as if I was stuck with it I finally realized I had to just knuckle down and believe that I could do it. I deserved it. In 6 months I paid off $14k of years old credit card debt. And I loved every minute of it. I felt empowered and inspired and in control of my finances for the first time ever. I couldn’t believe it had taken me so long. I mean I had the means after all I just never believed it.

The peace of mind that paying off that debt has given me has been utterly phenomenal. And even greater still, with that freedom came a new mindset. One of deserving. One of ME FIRST. One of the beginnings of new found peace.

Now debt free I decided it was time to move to a place I really wanted to live, in an area I wanted to live. After weeks of searching I found the place. A block from the beach, a block from the lake, near the city and with high ceilings, floorboards, a backyard and a bathtub! Even better it was a bargain. I was elated. (Sure it was also a bit of a dump but I could see past that. The very day I got the lease my work contract was abruptly ended.

Rather than give in to the panic that immediately took up residence in my gut, I chose to believe I’d be absolutely fine. I could do this. I had nothing to lose right? How hard could it be to get another job? And I had a few thousand dollars saved by now. It’ll be fine! Right????

Well of course knowing me and my propensity for drama it went down to the wire….I was not going to be able to make my rent the next month unless I found another job stat. My in-between-jobs-job which I left after realizing pretty quickly I’d just stepped into another version of the same old shitty thing still owed me $1300 and was not returning my calls. Needless to say my bank balance was now a bit like Pauline Hanson; a mix of ridiculous, offensive and just plain unbelievable.

By now Panic had recruited Anxiety and they were planning a party. As I sat in silent contemplation after my morning meditation I could feel Shame, and it’s loud, nasty, judgmental mates arriving too. In that moment I literally bowed to the earth and surrendered to the Universe and I let go.

I gave my trust over to God. To the Divine. To the Magic & all the Unicorns.

And I breathed.

I let go of needing to know.

I let go of plotting and planning a quick fix side hustle.

I let go of the Shame and instead chose to believe it would work out. I called the metaphysical cops on the pity party and booted them out!

I didn’t need to know how it was going to work out, I just needed to believe and let go.

By lunch time I had 2 offers of work and that $1300 had dropped into my account.

I’m now working a 3 month contract at a wonderful organization,The Brotherhood of St Laurence as a Coordinator on one of their programs, Saver Plus. Specifically to support lower income families with education costs, Saver Plus is about giving participants basic, easy to implement, life changing, financial literacy skills to build assets and improve financial capability. Participants take part in workshops on budgeting, planning, superannuation and mindset and create and implement a long term savings plan. At the end of the program any money they save is matched dollar for dollar up to $500 to go towards their own or their children’s education.

Participants are supported by one of BSL’s amazing Coordinators the entire way. It’s a simple program that generates incredible results and in my short time working here I can honestly say Saver Plus literally changes lives. Participants tell me every week. It’s also been a great resource and reminder for my own money journey. Further to this, not only does this organization treat their community & staff exceptionally well, they also pay really well. On time! There’s zero stress. No ridiculous hours, no overtime and a strong focus on well-being and organizational values. I. AM. AMAZED! It’s such a new ‘space’ for me that it took several weeks to stop looking over my shoulder wondering where the hell I was. Wondering if it were all too good to be true!

I won’t lie, me and money still need to work on our relationship, like any healthy, intimate relationship, but now we actually talk and are building very firm foundations for a rewarding, honest, relationship together and it feels really good."